Editing, the Second Freak This Time


Since I spruced up the Fabulously Flexible Man’s introduction from my Freakshow creative writing post, I need to do the same for the others. I was the least satisfied with the paragraph on Annie, the Armor-Skinned Woman because I didn’t feel like the paragraph clearly separated her from a regular strong woman. Let’s see if I can better capture her unnaturally tough skin in this post.


Circus strong woman, 1905. Photo from Physical Culturist’s Top Ten Old Time Strongwomen.

They tear into the second tent and into the impenetrable chest of Annie. Instead of comfort from a maternal embrace, they feel the jolt from her brick wall stance and fall into a jumble of limbs. They are jelly fish flailing in her shadow. Her guests stumble to their feet and cower under her gaze.

Though she may have a five o’clock shadow, she’s no bearded woman. The dark glean along her jaw reflects the strength of a steel cross-beam. The silver plates of her bikini sparkle as much as her oiled skin in the light of the iron torches. The oil slicking her muscles may define every contour as well as the next body builder’s, but Annie’s need to protect against corrosive attacks is the main reason she greases up each morning. 

Her guests ogle as she draws a sword and runs it against that could slice through rhino hide. They recoil as she drags it along the taut skin of her bicep. A collective gasp echos as the blade is sliced to ribbonsThey cluster around her bare feet like pencil shavings. They Her guests look eager to stay until she flicks her sledge hammer toward them as if she expects that they, too have, the diamond toughness.

“Don’t go,” she cackles after, “I’ll toughen you up yet!”


 

I like this better than the original paragraph, but now I worry that I’ve not given Annie any feminine qualities. One of the things I liked about the circus strong woman picture I found is that she’s clearly strong but she’s hasn’t been masculized (is that a word?).  Often it seems like female characters can only be tough if the become physically/emotionally like men/ male stereotypes. Annie should be able to have armored skin and be as graceful as a swan, should she so choose. Unfortunately, I can’t figure out how to write that now, so maybe I’ll revisit this later.

Book Review: The Night Circus


Title: The Night Circus
Author: Erin Morgenstern
Genre: Fantasy,
Published: 2011, by DoubleDay

Since I’m moving through my reading list of books in order to better understand what’s out there and prep for my own book publishing journey, I’ve decided to (try and) approach my book reviews as a writer rather than a passive reader.

What I liked/ will be drawing inspiration from:  The Night Circus is a steady barrage of sights, with the other senses sprinkled in for good measure. Exploring the other, non-sight senses in my writing is something that I’ve been trying to work on so it was nice to read a book where all the senses were such a critical part of the reading experience.

The idea behind the circus was interesting: a mysterious, enchanted, captivating place inherently tied to a “duel” between the two main characters, Celia and Marco. I enjoyed watching the circus evolve as the characters’ relationship(s) did. Much of the imagery in the story is tied to the circus and the various tents that house its wonders.

The writing was also very stylized, in a way that I enjoyed. Often when I read stories, I find words or sentences that are a little off in my mind and I end up trying to think of how I might rephrase it. Not that the original sentence was bad or anything, I just would’ve written it differently. That didn’t really happen with The Night Circus. It’s narrative voice strong and appealing (to me at least).

What I might’ve written differently: So much focus was on exploring the circus that there wasn’t much room in the narrative for exploring the characters and at time the relationships left me wanting more. For the most part, relationships between the characters kind of just were. Take it or leave it. When I finished the book, I remembered my 10th grade English teacher explaining that most fiction was either plot-driven or character-driven. The Night Circus felt plot/sensation-driven. I do wish there had been more time for developing the characters, but of course, you can’t always squeeze everything you want into the story. If more details about the characters had been included, something else would’ve gotten the ax.

Also, this is more in how the story was sold, but I’ve heard a lot of people complain about the pacing. The Night Circus is kind of described as having this harrowing duel between Celia and Marco and while that’s central to the plot… the story does not advance at the speed of fight. The pacing is actually pretty slow at times, which was fine for me. I just sat back and enjoyed the descriptive ride. But I can see how people would get frustrated that there was no real mystery or duel to be had among the pages of the circus.

As a final critique, I don’t quite know how I feel about the circus itself. Without giving to much away, I was fascinated by the psychology of the circus and how it got into people’s heads (go figure, I am a psych grad student…). For the most part, the book frames this as a good thing, although the darker side of being sucked into the magic of the circus is explored. I think I would have explored that darkness more. By the end of the story, I was firmly in the camp of the circus would be nice to visit but I would not want to stay.

Ultimately, I give The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern 4 out of 5 stars. What’s a star worth? Oh about 50 thousand Schrute bucks.

Editing, One Freak at a Time


I knew as I was writing my last creative writing post, I’d be editing. I didn’t elaborate on the circus employees (or freaks, if you prefer) as much as I wanted to. So I’m going to expound on what I’ve written in a series of editing posts.


 

Rubber Ritchie, contortionist. Photo from Acts and Attractions.

A The blind curve into of the first tent leads wary patrons inside a mammoth steel cage. Few dare to snicker gleefully at the what appears to be an empty attraction,. T and they are the first struck. A tickle along the back of their necks excites the hairs that stand on end at the scent of as if sensing danger, setting off a chain reaction that drains their smirks and sets their hearts pounding. Their agitation spreads.

Soon everyone sees the spandex snake slithering through the bars. The elongated arm Everyone catches the slithering in the corner of their eyes. Spandex weaves through the bars, the end unrolling toward the nearest patron who squeals and falls back into the crowd. The elongated fingers of man in a stretchable suit flourish, the index pointsing upward. Eyes with more white than iris follow.

The Fabulously Flexible Man has wrapped the top of the cage as if he were its canopy threaded himself through the bars of the cage’s canopy. Though his skin groans from the strain, he does not break. The muscles in his neck stretch like taffy under the weight of his head. As it descends, he coils around to take in all of his guests. They gasp as the features of his face contort. His muscles tighten until he grins down at them, shining like a Botox addict.

When his ear extends drips downward like as a bit of wax escaping would escape its candle, a woman shrieks and begins a stampede.


I guess this is good enough… for now! I mostly wanted to incorporate something about Botox, which I only thought about after I posted.

 

 

365 WP #10: Free to Be Me


Today’s 365 Day Writing PromptFree to Be Me – What character trait to you admire most about yourself?

This is kind of a tough prompt to answer because 1) talking up aspects of your character is weird/awkward, and 2) I happen to like a lot of things about myself but am not sure what I like most. So I’m going to use my creativity (which I like) to come up with a story that indirectly explores some of the other traits of mine that I like.

Also, I just started reading The Night Circus, and am vibing on it right now… Plus there’s Halloween.


 

The mist rolling off the swamp pools around the hill. Aglow from the circus spotlights, the fog looks like an undulating spider web. The eerie melody echoing down from the black and silver tents above make clear this is not a carnival of cotton-candy laughter and balloon-animal dreams.

The barker’s voice cuts through the midnight air, though no body is present to usher patrons under the chain encircled entrance sign. “Ladies and gentlemen, do not scream with tremulous voices. Do not flee on terrified feet. Our acts are not for the faint or even the steeled of heart. Step into the darkness and behold the frights that will chill your bones and rattle your soul.”

A blind curve into the first tent leads wary patrons inside a mammoth steel cage. Few dare to snicker gleefully at the empty attraction. They are the first struck. A tickle along the back of their necks excites the hairs that stand on end at the scent of danger, setting off a chain reaction that drains their smirks and sets their hearts pounding. Soon everyone sees the spandex snake slithering through the bars. The elongated arm of man in a stretchable suit points upward. Eye more white than iris follow. The Fabulously Flexible Man has wrapped himself around the top of the cage as if he were its canopy. Though his skin groans from the strain, he does not break. His strained features appear to be melting off his face. When his ear extends downward like a bit of wax escaping its candle, a woman shrieks and begins a stampede.

They tear into the second tent and into the impenetrable-chest of Annie. Though she may have a five o’clock shadow, she’s no bearded woman. The silver plates of her bikini sparkle as much as her oiled skin in the light of the iron torches. Her guests ogle as she draws a sword and runs it against the taut skin of her bicep. A collective gasp echos as the blade is sliced to ribbons. They look eager to stay until she flicks her sledge hammer toward them.

“Don’t go,” she cackles after, “I’ll toughen you up yet!”

Skin crawls as they step into the third tent. The black void that surrounds them pushes them closer together, for warmth and for safety. A blinding light flicks on over head. Shrieks and shuffling as they huddle. Their eyes adjust. They see him, standing in the thin beam of light. From the back of his bald head, engorged veins push out of his skin as if a carnivorous sponge has come to suck his cranial fluid. He turns toward them. His features are warped by the extra load on his skull.

A strained voice echos deep in their minds, “Are you afraid?” His deformed mouth twists into a grin at their weak laughter. “Well, then. Allow Professor Mesmer remedy that for you.”

The veins on his head pulse. Their skin crawls. A thick ooze like egg yolk drips down their spines and with it rolls a tide of fear. It cracks open each rib cage and slithers around every heart. They beat faster to escape the inevitable strangling tide. He cackles and the light overhead shatters.

There are no screams. No attempts to flee. Only a still acceptance of the emptiness. The room void of light, of sound, of warmth. The touch of their neighbors long-gone as they succumb to the cloying suck of the hollowness inside. Somehow they find themselves in the fourth tent.

Silence is replaced by the steady clicking of a million clawed feet. Armies of arachnids big and small patrol every millimeter of the tent surface. Mouth are clamped shut as spiders on long, sticky webs swing around in daredevil formations. The guests move as one phobic mass to the exit that feel oceans away, desperately trying to ignore the tarantella throbbing under foot.

Its easy to overlook the woman as they pass. Her calm energy summons the spiders to her wispy frame. They wriggle through her thinning grey locks as if it is their nest. They bunker down into the crevasses of her nose and ears. They spin a fine web to entomb her as they wound a downed fly. She breaths in. She breaths out. Her serenity only nudges her guests further toward the edge.

The mist from the swamp has grown thicker. Only the barker voice carries over its stifling blockage. Their screams are muted as they flee. They claw blindly at their unscathed flesh as if covered in a great plague. They wail and thrash at nothingness. They tumble down the hill in flight from the Freaks beneath the tents.

They will return tomorrow. The barker has faith in this, he knows this with every bone in his body long gone. The greatest freaks always return.


All the traits I chose, I presented in an extreme way. I am not so flexible that I can wrap myself around metal bars.

The Fantastic Flexible Man = my flexibility (although mine is mental)

Annie, the Armor-Skinned Woman = my thick-skinned-ness (again, mine’s mental)

Professor Mesmer = my empathy (although his was sort of reverse and evil empathy)

Spider Woman = my calmness during storms and stress (and spider attacks)